On the afternoon of February 22, 1997, I frantically cleaned my apartment and prepped it for the evening. I sweated details I usually didn’t pay any attention to because I had big plans for the evening. I kept checking on the ring I bought four months before, partially to make sure it was still there and mostly to remind myself why I worked so hard that day. When I finished cleaning, I started to truly prepare. Continue reading →
I’m from and live in the South, so I’m accustomed to, shall we say, interesting idioms particular to this area. I’ve heard and used many Southern expressions, but there are still occasions where someone comes out with something that takes me by surprise. Continue reading →
So apparently a non-zero number of people who read What to Write also wanted the opportunity to read an essay I wrote in the same class that I mentioned. I claimed I would post said essay if there was enough public outcry. Surprisingly, such an outcry occurred (in an unrelated side note, I have decided that two people constitute “public” and probably speak for what is surely a huge number of silent fans), so I present How to Be Offensive at Weddings unaltered from the original. All I ask is that your remember my writing and my views on weddings have greatly matured in the nearly twenty years that have passed. Continue reading →
One of the many jobs I had while in college was working at Things Remembered in Governor’s Square Mall. My job was to sell the many gift items we carried, but, more importantly, to sell engraving on those items. I was partially evaluated on my ability to sell more engraving so I became very good at convincing people to add more than the free engraving that came with each purchase. Continue reading →
It’s no secret that kids are often cruel (I’ve written about it at least a couple of times myself), but sometimes the depth of that cruelty and the forms it takes seem beyond the pale even for teenagers. Continue reading →
I’m sure everyone who writes consistently often runs in to the dreaded moments when they can’t decide what to write. This is a fairly regular occurrence for me, but I’ve discovered that it happens more frequently when a deadline looms. The less time I have, the more difficult it is to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. Continue reading →
People have the propensity to ask what should be abundantly clear. Something drives people to ask “Is it raining?” when you walk in from outside sopping wet. Male, female, young, old, it does not matter. We all sometimes ask questions with readily obvious answers. Continue reading →
We live in a culture of contradictions. We are constantly bombarded with conflicting statements, and not just from politicians. We are told to be considerate, but look out for “number one.” We say $3.00 a gallon is too much for gasoline while we happily pay almost $8.00 a gallon at the same station for bottled water. Clearly, everyone is capable of confusing themselves and others with mixed messages. Continue reading →
How many times have you found yourself in a situation where you thought another person just needed to keep their mouth shut? Often, after they fail to keep it shut, someone utters the something such as, “That was best left unsaid.” It happens far too often, but I believe there is a greater problem facing us. All too frequently we don’t say something that is best left said. Continue reading →
Marriage can be a funny thing. I told Chrisie before we got married that everything that already annoyed her about me still would after the wedding. She didn’t believe me (fun fact: I was right). She never lived with anyone other than family, so she didn’t realize how quickly annoyances are magnified. Fortunately in a marriage love is also magnified along with the annoyances and compromises are often proposed to lessen their power. Continue reading →
Stories Now Told